if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
