he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
