Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
