Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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