Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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