somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
