Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
