She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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