Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
