Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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