In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
