these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
