Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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