Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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