So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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