i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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