so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
