i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
