He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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