I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
