where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Randomize
