let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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