i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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