nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
