this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
