The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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