Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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