Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
