You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
