I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
