i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
