i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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