Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
