You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
