Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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