I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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