I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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