so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
