Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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