So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
