I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
