I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
