he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
