hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
