What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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