4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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