so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
