hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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