I didn't shave. On purpose
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize