wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can't special order awesome
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
