im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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