Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".

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(559): View more from California

The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.

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(804): View more from Virginia

its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.

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