Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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