Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's like heaven, but drunker
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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