Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
