epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
