dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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