Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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