apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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