I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
