If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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