Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
