sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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