I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
