half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
