Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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