I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
