You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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