this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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