just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
