I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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