I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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