I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
