How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
