I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The uberlube is also flammable
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
