Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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