but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
