Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
