After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
