I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
