I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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