So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
